It’s always been weird to me how being in certain places can bring back feelings that I’d long thought were pushed aside and forgotten. I always think that, but the places always prove me wrong. Time and time again.
My counselor (God bless her) recently moved to a new office. It’s nice and big and clean and has good flooring. The furniture is comfortable and the staff is nice and professional. It’s a nice step up from the old place. This one is very modern and they even give you itemized receipts when you pay. What I’m getting at, is that this place is well-organized, well put-together. They have a process, they stick to it, it works. It’s not chaotic, which considering how busy they are, is miraculous.
The scenery is also great. There is a little pond next door where a few turtles, some ducks and a large gathering of canada geese hang out. It is nice and serene. A suitable place to relax and enjoy some peace. Especially if you love canada geese like I do.
It’s a wonderful place to sit and observe nature. To enjoy the calm and find comfort in the organization and process of it all.
Unless it is also the place that you used to sit through the night, often with your pillow and a blanket, drunk off your ass and still drinking, wondering if you died of alcohol poisoning, would your parents still get your life insurance money. Drinking beer after beer after beer, feeding the geese the $1 fries you bought just for them. Wondering how in the actual hell you let yourself get like that. Or why. Waiting to go back home to avoid the argument.
Today, was my third visit at the new place. Today, I didn’t get nauseated and sad like the first two times. I only remembered.
Today, I told her that was where I used to go. That I’d slept in that parking lot more times than I can recall.
Today, when I left, I took a few minutes to walk over to the water with the Lay’s potato chips I brought just for them. They are pretty damned intimidating in the daylight. When you’re sober.
Today, the place brought back the feelings, like places do, but only for a few minutes of reflection. I’ve got my shit together lately. Things are easier.
It’s a process. A well-organized process.